Hello cycle-breakers!
This question came in from a member mom, and it gets right to the heart of how being a part of this community is changing the world.
You asked:
"Are there a guidelines for us to follow when we witness toxic parenting?…"
And then you gave me this example:
"I was in the lift with a father and 2 little girls aged about 2 & 5.
He had taken them out from a play area. The older daughter was whining just a little bit and the father was calm.
Then, the little girl said “you lied to me” and that flipped the switch for the father. He raised his voice and said “I did not lie! Don’t you dare say I lied! Now stop it!”
The lift door opened and the little girl began to cry.
The father was triggered. The little girl’s emotional needs were dismissed. Ohhhh how my heart hurt to see that exchange.
So, I’m curious to know, is there an appropriate response? What if the child was being physically harmed. How do we respond?!
Thanks for enlightening me with your kindness and positive approaches in the work you do."
And this was the open to my reply:
"Such a great question! There is no one answer, but I find connecting with the adult who is triggered with love and non-judgment sometimes helps to take them off the defense and move them out of their triggered brainstem --- I'm guessing the adult was embarrassed at being called a liar as there was an audience..."
There was more, the bottomline message behind my reply was this...
When kids act out, or do things that are hard for us to wrap our heads around... sometimes all our children need is connection.
AND SOMETIMES... it's us, the adult, who needs that human connection, empathy, and radical love to regulate.
Not pain, or shame, or more parent guilt...
But radical love and human connection.
That is why I am here, in your inbox.
To support you, the adult brain in the room.
It's also why I'm so very passionate about each and every one of you GENM changemakers out there joining our Reparent Yourself Membership group.
