When the Loneliness of Relational Distance Steals Your Christmas Joy |
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Disappointment flooded me as my son, whose job takes him far away from our home in Colorado, told my husband and me that he couldn’t join us for Christmas. While we’d expected that to a certain degree, we’d previously been given a spark of hope that he could pull off Christmas with the family this year. Alas, it’s not meant to be. Physical distance from our loved ones feels terribly lonely during the holidays. As the wife of a USAF veteran for twenty years, I’ve certainly spent holidays away from my fella and other loved ones. When you can’t see, hug, and talk to your favorite people at that time of year, it takes a measure of your festive joy, no two ways about it. While this is true, it’s also true that -
experiencing relational distance is even lonelier, especially during the Christmas season.
After all, two people can have many miles, even an ocean between them, and yet their hearts remain close. But when two people’s hearts are far apart, even as they sit side by side at Christmas brunch, that is doubly lonely.
And if your relational distance with someone exists because of circumstances beyond your control, that only levels up your loneliness. For example, perhaps a loved one of yours insists on believing the worst about you. All your time and energy spent trying to bridge that relational gap with explanations gets you nowhere. To make matters worse, perhaps this person is doing her level best to “poison the well” by spreading faulty assumptions or outright falsehoods about you to anyone who’ll listen.
I’m familiar with this kind of behavior as well as the unique loneliness it brings. If your currency runs on relationships, as mine does, it’s hard to enjoy those chestnuts roasting on an open fire while you sit in the cold reality of relational distance that you can’t fix. If we could converse with Mary and Joseph today, I believe they’d share their personal experience with this same kind of loneliness, the kind that comes from relational distance that is beyond your control. Recently, I read through the portion of Luke 2 that describes Mary and Joseph’s return to Joseph’s hometown of Bethlehem to register for the census as commanded by the Roman emperor, Augustus.
The passage reads,
And while they were there, the time came for her Baby to be born. She gave birth to her firstborn Son. She wrapped Him snugly in strips of cloth and laid Him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them. — Luke 2: 5-7
After a long, arduous ride on a donkey, Mary must settle for giving birth to Jesus in a stable because there was no hotel of sorts to be found. The ESV translation of the same verses reads, “... there was no place for them in the inn” (v. 7). Interestingly enough, the word “inn” has a footnote that reads, “or guest room.” |
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He is with us in every season, ensuring we’re never alone. |
He is with us in every season, ensuring we’re never alone. |
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As my pastor, Chris Hodge, pointed out, if Bethlehem was Joseph’s hometown, it’s quite possible he had family there at the time of the census. If so, why didn’t they offer their own guest room to Mary and Joseph?
Why didn’t they have compassion on a young girl who arrived in town at best looking mighty haggard and at worst laid low with labor pains?
Could it be because word got around that Mary was pregnant before becoming a wife? Did Joseph’s family have no interest in tainting their own reputation by proximity to these young people of “questionable life choices?”
Of course, we don’t know how things went down with Joseph’s family because Scripture doesn’t tell us. But we humans are mighty talented at knowing parts of a story and assuming we know the whole thing. The gospel truth that Mary’s pregnancy was a work of the Holy Spirit (Luke 1:35) may have seemed too far-fetched for family and friends to believe. If so, it’s possible they took their own false assumptions as truth and lost all compassion in the process.
And yet, Mary and Joseph walked in the will of God at the cost of loneliness and their own reputations. When Mary found out she was pregnant in the first place, she replied, I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you’ve said about me come true. — Luke 1:38
When an angel filled Joseph in on how his fiancée became pregnant, he followed God’s will and married her (Matthew 1: 24). Their actions carried an unspoken, “Lord, accepting Your good plans for my life means accepting the lonelier consequences that might temporarily come with Your plans.”
That is where I find my peace in my own relational distance that tries to steal my Christmas joy. Mary and Joseph accepted the consequences of being misunderstood because being a part of God’s redemptive plans was worth the cost. They knew that God knew the truth of their story and walked with them. So, not only were their reputations safe in the hands of the only One that mattered, they knew they mattered to Him, and this eased their loneliness.
- God knows the truth of your story and He holds your reputation, too.
There may be a purpose at play in the relational dynamics that you’ll never know about until Heaven. Of course, it’s good and right to apologize to others when needed. But if you’ve done your level best to live at peace with those involved (Romans 12:18), then release the sadness by saying,
“Lord, accepting Your good plans for my life means accepting the lonelier consequences that might temporarily come with Your plans.”
I’d love an idyllic Christmas chock-full of nothing but Bing Crosby, sugar plum fairies, and pine-scented environs. But the Christmas season isn’t exempt from the heartache of loneliness caused by a variety of circumstances, including relational distance. That doesn’t mean we’re helpless: we can create joy this Christmas by compassionately helping someone feel loved rather than lonely. We can receive joy in the fact that Jesus, whose very birth bridges our own relational distance with God, will one day come again to right every wrong.
In the meantime, we have His presence with us this Christmas and always... our Savior, Emmanuel, God with us.
We’re never alone. |
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Let’s take our loneliness this Christmas season to Jesus. Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect or include all the people we love for us to remain in worship of our King. He understands and He is with us. Amen! ~ Devotionals Daily |
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No matter the reason for your lonely season, you are beloved, wanted, seen, and never alone |
Praying Through Loneliness: A 90-Day Devotional for Women |
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+ FREE shipping included! |
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In a season of loneliness? Take comfort in the stories of other women who share their own honest experiences of feeling isolated, struggling to find friends, and still finding a meaningful way through.
With the current crisis of loneliness and lack of friendships in today's culture, this 90-day devotional offers both lived perspective and attainable promise for how to find community and friends.
Compiled by beloved author, Kristen Strong, who offers her two decades of experience as a constantly relocating military spouse and one decade as a settled civilian to address head on the rising pain point facing women today in startling numbers: an acute loneliness and isolation due to a lack of friends.
Praying Through Loneliness doesn't skip over the sadness and hardship loneliness brings. It doesn't offer trite advice or give spiritual formulas to shortcut the slow work of friendship. Instead, it offers an empathetic and hopeful accompaniment in the dark night you are walking through.
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Hear from Kristen about the book |
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Praying Through Loneliness is a compilation of stories from many women in all stages of life written to let you know that you are: -
Not alone in your sadness, frustration, or sense of rejection
- Not alone when you feel jealous of other women's friendships
- Not alone in the pain of a friendship breakup
- Not alone when you want to give up trying to connect again
- Not alone in your need to know that the Lord sees you in your loneliness, has a purpose for you during it, and won't abandon you as you walk through it
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Each daily devotional includes: - Scripture verse
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Vulnerable story where questions and regret are seen through the eyes of Jesus who is always walking beside you
- Hopeful message
- Meaningful prayer references for encouragement
Spend the next 90 days with come-alongside friends and the God who has said from the beginning that it is not good for us to be alone; let them lift your burden of loneliness. |
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